Modeling

"It's awesome; I get paid to take naps near space heaters."

Apparently, nude modeling is where it's at...

Chivalry

"I know you need to do it in order to be a good penis-haver, but I was closer to the door than you were!"

Discussing chivalry

Logistics of staging Avene Q

"How on Earth do you stage puppet sex?"

"Very carefully."

Step away from the physics book!

"Help, Romeo is sweetly whispering facts about kinetic energy in my ear!"

Romeo, oh Romeo, wherefore art thou seducing us with physics?

New Guys in Town

"Glitter Penis and Furspolder, unite!"

Do we even really need to suggest any innuendos here?

It SPARKLES. The HORROR

"Glitter penis"

Yeah, we'll just let you think about that one, Twi-hards. And then we DARE you not to burst out laughing at the sheer ridiculousness.

Franken-lover

-"He reads Paradise Lost."
-"So, you would have sex with a dead person?"
-"He's not dead; he's reaminated--it's the five minute rule."

Because even Frankenstein needs a little lovin' every now and then... no matter how creepy and necrophiliac-esque that lovin' may be. >.>................<.<

And He'll Even Make the Bed

"Hi, I'm the ever-sexy Stephen, and I'll be sleeping on your floor. No, don't worry; I won't rape you in your sleep."

If only they were all as up-front as this...

It's Often So Hard To Tell

"Is that a pasta or a fascist?"

We'd like to think that ravioli's cousin rigatoni has a mustache to rival Mussolini's back in the day:

MIT Boys

"...with their hairy engineer legs."

Add this to any saying, and that saying will automatically be true. It's like "in bed," only more ridiculous.

When Louis Vutton Becomes a Stalker

"NO!!! I can't escape the man-rose-purse!"

It was following her, apparently. Like Edward Cullen. Only creepier. Because it was a purse. For men.

Apocalyptic Overtones

"Stupid plumes."

If it weren't for those plumes... man, we'd be dinosaur fodder by now!

Christmas in Crazyland

"You can't handle a large Christmas ornament!"

Shouted in the Prudential Center as an attempt to convince another of how bad an idea it was to go climbing up the side of the larger-than-life ornaments.

Well... Your Mom!

-"Your mom's an ocean city!"
-"All the sailors pass on through."

Your mom jokes: Ur doin it rite.

Brought to You by the Letter W and the Number 12

"Your moment of surrealism brought to you by lack of context theater."

Said after one student entered into a very awkward moment in a conversation.

Late people!

"Hey there, late people! Why are you late? Like, where were you? You just missed, like, the best song of the whole show. We just kicked the shit out of it, didn't we? Hey, hey, Dionne, do the song again. So, yeah, like, where were you? Were you smoking? You were smoking!"

Said by Berger during the Broadway production of "Hair" when some people walked in late while he was introducing himself.

A few minutes later...

"So, yeah, as I was saying to these people who were on time, you can call me, uhh, haha, you can call me 'Banana Berger'"...."or 'I-Come-To-The-Theater-On-Time Berger."

Our love affair with this man has just begun.

Fall Colors

"Da... colors! The colors! Thecolorsthecolorsthecolors!!!"

Said next to one's ear while looking at pictures of fall foliage.

Like Lincoln?

"I wish I had good oral talent"

Wishing she could deliver one of her own speeches like the politicians of yore.

Tree Haus

"I don't live in a tree. I live in a treehouse."

The differentiation is important when you live in Maine.

They Do It in the Bible

"Yep. Artificial insemination. That's not what they call it in the Bible, but that's what they call it with cows."

Immaculate conception my left ovary.

Go to your corner!

"Fine. I'll go sit in the corner and be all passive aggressive now."

Da Quote Board team is not 100% certain to whom this applies, but we hypothesize that this quote was an impersonation of Hamlet.

It's a No-No

"Don't yuck-yuck someone's yum-yums."

Basically, one man's trash is another man's treasure. We here at Da Quote Board much prefer this cautionary piece of advice.

Low Fat or Non Fat Dairy, Plz

"Switch nipples!"

A demand given by an upperclasswoman to a first year who was pouring herself a glass of non-fat milk from the udder-like dispenser. This upperclasswoman also wanted some non-fat milk.

Smell Like a Man! Part Deux

"Now my purse smells like a man. A sexy man."

Oh, D&G...

Smell Like a Man!

-"Now you can smell like a man!"
-"A SEXY man!"

Exchange over the original Dolce and Gabbana cologne

Natural Sparkles?

"Maybe I'm just naturally sparkly? NO. Wait. Nicole, I DON'T want to be naturally sparkly!!"

Said outside of Sephora in Natick after discovering some curious glitter on her hand

Why, Hello, Mr. President

"It would be a tight ass!... Wait, did I really say that about a guy running for president?"

Said about Pres Barack Obama during the 2008 presidential election, and after viewing this picture:

And then there was the blog...

Yay! It's the start of a brand new blog! *begins to sing*

"It's a brand new blog
And the sun is high
All the birds are singing
That you're gonna laugh until you cry!"

Errrm... yeah. Sorry. >.> We shall try to keep the in-post singing to a minimum...

So. Why are you reading this most awesome of awesome blogs? For the lulz of course! This blog is designed to brighten people's days with pearls of disturbing, hilarious, and unexpected turns of phrase. Everything that we post here was actually said in real life at some juncture in time.

Yeah. Our lives are that crazy. We sincerely hope you enjoy the randomocity that is... Da Quote Board.

Sincerely,
CheeseNip and Kidlet