Lord of the Rings: The Teen Movie

Alright, just throw me into the abyss, why don't you?!

Guys, there's an orc over here. And he really smells. Like, really bad. And I'm not even sure if he's dead.... No, wait, definitely not dead. *sound of arrow being shot, thud* Now he's dead.

Dear diary,
Aragorn and I reached for the same spoon today. His hand accidentally brushed against mine. What do you think it means? Was he trying to flirt with me? I just don't know.
xoxo,
Eowyn

Dear diary,
I talked to Aragorn for three hours today! Don't tell anyone, but I think there's something between us! I think he likes me...
xoxo,
Eowyn

Dear diary,
Dad is such a jerk! He won't let me ride into battle with all the other men and says that I have to stay behind and be a leader for the women and children in his place. He is so mean! I hate him!
xoxo,
Eowyn

Useful for Men's Costumes, Right?

"Yes, she left them at home; they're detachable breasts!"

Misunderstanding turned into latest plastic surgery fad.

Threats.

I will kidnap your pillow and make you wish you never existed.

What will happen if you get caught watching Jane Eyre. All 11, 1 hour episodes of it. 

I choose you Pikachu!

Look! A wild professor approaches!
Antoniette uses Academic Jargon!
But it fails..

I'm So Glad We Didn't Drink This Weekend

Note: these are all unrelated

C: Is a pen a metaphorical penis?
K: If so, what is a highlighter?
C: A metaphorical dildo.

C: IF YOU DON'T STOP ACTING PERFECT I WILL PUNCH YOU IN YOUR PERFECT FACE!

K: He's a sulking, royal angsting prat.

K: O...Lancelot? I want one in every color!!!

Lions and Tigers and Fascists, Oh My!

"I won social science bingo today: We have Nazis, S&M, Nazi apologism, racism, fetishism, with a dash of sexism -- all in one reading!"
"Well, aren't Nazis just guilty of all of those things? Well, I don't know about S&M, but let's suppose that they're guilty of that, too."

Butterflies

Kiddlet: There is a new Who up, do you want to watch?
Cheesenip:...Can I color my butterfly first?
*silence*
*crickets*
*stunned look*
Kiddlet: How about lunch. Then butterfly coloring. Then Who.
Cheesenip: Okay!

Of Religion and Disco

In response to the interior of a church being described as looking silver due to a lighting effect, and not actually being silver:

Cheese Nip: that makes things substantially less metallic looking in my head

Kidlet:     it's a cave chuch and thanks to you it now looks like a disco club

Yeah, that's how we roll.

L-O-V-E

"Oh my God, I'm not a love cushion!"

Cheese Nip's younger brother after she started to serenade him.

Why you shouldn't sass the sleep deprived

"Well aren't YOU a happy bundle of wit and joy!"